This past Friday while finishing up our grocery shopping at the Kroger store in Huntsville, Texas, I happened to glance at one of those ‘point of purchase’ items, the must have do-dads placed near the cash register that you hadn’t planned to buy; but oh, my goodness, you must have it.
You’d think
finding specialty items used by MI-7 or CIA’s deep cover operatives would be
limited to a special catalog, technologically advanced weapons available only
for individuals with special security clearances, but here they were, and at a
grocery store? I carefully considered
adding this item to our shopping cart and then wondered if it would be safe to
store it in our vehicle.
There were
several Vortex Umbrellas on display without any noticeable security barriers. Not
even the high command at MI-7 were aware of the Vortex group of assassins
hidden within their own trusted cadre of agents. Yet here they were at the cash
register available to anyone.
There were
no distinctive markings on the product as to whether these were T-2 or T-4 type
defensive or offensive umbrellas as shown in the Johnny English Reborn movie.
The two items appeared nearly identical: the one being designed to deflect
bullets while the other as a self-contained rocket launcher. I used my cellphone to capture a photograph
of the fancy umbrella’s product card since nobody would believe such a prize
was available at Kroger.
I’d almost
bet the farm we’ll find lipstick dispensers that double as a single shot pistol
over in the cosmetic’s aisle or maybe some of those throat lozenges that
distort your voice in the pharmacy department.
I’ve always suspected something else was being run out of the Kroger
store; why else have such a huge second floor that isn’t open to the general
public?
I’ve spent
enough time considering our next grocery shopping trip. It’s time to finish reading the book I got
for Christmas, The Secret Life of Walter Mittey. Y’all be safe out there.
