Come Two Thirds of the Way to Houston

This should be the new banner on top of City Hall, our new slogan to entice businesses, tourism and prospective families to move to our fair city. I read in the Houston Chronicle this morning where the “City can't keep pension fund promise” and that Mayor White's administration “will propose paying only two-thirds of the statutorily required pension contribution…” (link in title bar)

Come to Houston; but, when your airplane lands on the runway it will bring you only two thirds the way to the terminal where you will be required to exit onto the tarmac and walk the rest of the way. Your luggage will be waiting for you somewhere on the tarmac because it too will only be brought two thirds the way to the terminal. That should be a good indicator that Houston is in deep trouble and to avoid it like the plague. I can hear the passengers request for alternative destinations, to include Ray Nagin’s “Chocolate City” that has yet to be rebuilt.

“911 dispatcher…; No Sir, that ambulance was dispatched as you requested. It had to turn around when it got two thirds of the way to your location. We are truly sorry that your wife is having a heart attack; but I’m sure you’ll agree that raising property taxes to match with prior commitments…” “Excuse me Sir; but that kind of language is unacceptable and I’d send a police unit to your location, unfortunately two thirds of our work force resigned and moved to other cities.” “I’ll inform Dick Chaney that two thirds is better than none; thank you so much for the explanation involving two thirds Birds and two thirds Bees.”

“City of Houston, Waste Management Services, how may I assist you?” “Oh, no Sir, we no longer have trash pick up. Yes, I know that you are being charged for trash pick up; we simply cannot afford to furnish that service. Is there anything else the City of Houston can do?” “Why thank you; I’m told that quite often these days, fortunately elephants can’t fly.”

I see litigation on the horizon, a drawn out and very expensive process that the taxpayers will have to pay for. I hope the legal council for the City of Houston explains the basic concepts of contracts and responsibilities to the Mayor and the rest of City Council. Scaring the taxpaying public with proof of fiscal mismanagement, regardless of which administration was responsible, cannot be the foundation for a legal retreat from an existing financial debt. Sorry, you guys will have to do better than that.

This is a replay of the same situation that Mayor White’s administration brought before the public back in March of 2004. The City can’t pay because they spent that money on other items so, “Sorry”, we overspent.

I will remind the City that during the twenty years I served as a police officer of the “routine” of pay negotiations. Here’s how it went; the police would be told, by which ever administration was in office, that the City couldn’t afford to raise police pay “X” amount, an amount which would keep police pay marginally behind that of every other major police department’s base pay; instead they might be able to squeeze by with “One half of X if the police would accept 5% added on to your retirement package”. I couldn’t tell you how many times that particular scenario was played out instead of getting a decent wage increase; however, I do know that I was promised an improved retirement package.

When I joined the ranks of Houston’s Finest the retirement package for a twenty year officer was 30% of base pay. Over the years that retirement percentage was raised, each time we agreed to continue working without a raise in take home pay. I now receive 55% of base pay and the City continues to “renegotiate”; most notably when it comes to how much I pay for medical insurance and how much the City puts in. Now I’m being promised yet another empty envelope in my retirement. I suppose one lesson I should have learned by now, “liars are going to lie”.

If I were to mail this to City Hall, with an understanding that the postal rate just increased, I don’t suppose it would get there if I only put a stamp on the envelope that was worth two thirds, now would it. When I go to the grocery store, imagine the look on the checker’s face when I hand over two thirds of the amount due. How about when I go see the gastrointestinal specialist this afternoon; what if I only pay two thirds of the amount due; what kind of diagnosis should I expect? “Sorry, I don’t have the money” won’t make it in the real world; what makes Mayor White believe it should work in the fantasy land he is living in?