Orange Peel Gazette

I had a chance to visit my folks this past weekend. There was a small news letter at the place we had breakfast, Orange Peel Gazette; free for the taking with most of it being advertisements for local business with the insertion of comic relief here and there.

A perfect example was on the front page.

Safety at Work

Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I’m constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise.

“Does anyone know,” I asked a few guys, “what the speed limit is in our parking lot?”

There long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up “That depends. Do you mean coming to work or leaving?”

I’ll include a few of the gems found within the pages; but the entire publication was a hoot to read.

Best About Me?

The other day I asked my wife what she liked best about me.

“Is it my firm, trim athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?”

She replied, “Oh, it’s your sense of humor, dear.”

My favorite of all was on page three.

Law School

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”

The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”

The professor was livid.

“No! No! Think like a lawyer!” the Professor instructed.

The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claims, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze, and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…”

I did find a small ad giving credit to the publisher of the Orange Peel Gazette of Indian River County, LLC. They’re located at 926 18th Street #2, Vero Beach, Fl. 32960; or on the web: http://www.opgazette.com/ , email kevin@opgazette.com. Thank you for a mild distraction and a few laughs.

The real laughs came at my folks house when they asked if I could “fix” a broken phonograph player; but that will have to keep for another time. I had a great visit; all the same it’s great to be home and to sleep in my own bed.