Changing a Light Bulb

 

It used to be a simple task to change a light bulb.  If the one in your table lamp quit, unscrew the old one, take a new one out of the box that’s in the cupboard and screw it back in.  That’s it, you’re done.

This morning while preparing a bagel, when I turned on the vent-a-hood light to better see where the pre-cut bagel separation needed to be completed so the two halves of the bagel would slide down into the toaster…where was I, one of the light bulbs in the vent-a-hood had burned out.  I prefer the warm glow given off by the vent-a-hood lights over the cold white given off by the overhead kitchen lights.

I then remembered how much fun it was replacing one of those fancy two pronged bulbs; sarcasm mode engaged. Think about Ralphy in the movie, The Christmas Story, when he was helping his dad change the flat tire when he accidentally lost control of the lug nuts; that same terminology comes to mind.

The vent-a-hood actually came with a specially designed suction cup tool to assist in replacing a light bulb.  If you happen to misplace that tool it could be replaced for about $25.00. Our house is now seven years old; but that replacement tool is a permanent fixture in our Junk Drawer and will be there long after any nuclear explosion has wiped away our civilization. Twenty-five dollars for a suction cup that might cost all of a nickel to make, Geesh!

Lucy was going to be away getting her hair done for the next hour; what better time than now to get this chore out of the way.  I went to the main closet, the one in the den where only the most important stuff is stored, where I knew I’d placed a package of replacement Two-Pronged Light Bulbs, the kind that fit the track lights as well as the vent-a-hood. 

I found two spray nozzle replacements for the outside water hose, three emergency flashlights, four dual purpose screwdriver sets that let you change from Phillips to Flat head; all were unopened and still attached to the cardboard just like we’d seen them at the store.  Not seeing those light bulbs as I dug some more.

I had to move some of the empty ammo boxes out of the way to get a better view of the other junk.  We buy these ammo boxes when Harbor Freight puts them on sale half off; they make for great containers at Christmas gifts for the guys in our family.  You can put their favorite candy bars, bags of pistachios, a small emergency flashlight or even a box of ammo that fits their favorite weapon. That’s when I found a pack of tie down straps, still attached to the cardboard and ready to use.  Hmm, those were supposed to be in the back of my truck.  Still no Two-Pronged Light Bulbs.

I rearranged some of the battery chargers that work with my power hand tools.  Found a stack of electrician’s tape, that stuff sure comes in handy; but not today.  I put that with a container of bungie cords, love having extra bungie cords. 

Maybe I put those Two-Pronged Light Bulbs up with the regular light bulbs. I got out the step stool ladder and checked above the freezer next to the cans of baked beans and mayonnaise; no, they’re not there either.  Better go back to looking in the den closet.

Found the new staple gun with two boxes of staples we were going to use when reupholstering the fabric covered dinning room chairs.  I wonder where we stored that new fabric?  That can wait another year or so; today’s project is to replace a Two-Pronged Light Bulb in the vent-a-hood. 

Aha! There’s the package of Two-Pronged Light Bulbs, right where I knew they’d be behind the roll of drywall tape.  I put the ammo boxes back, closed the door to the closet and turned off the closet light.

The suction cup tool worked exactly as it was supposed to and the Two-Pronged Light Bulb was replaced in less than a minute.  Piece of Cake!

 

Officially a Senior Citizen

 

In case you were wondering if you qualify as an actual Senior Citizen, something most of us do when we stumble around the kitchen early in the morning; but in case you weren’t sure how to tell if you’ve become a senior citizen.  There are some subtle hints the world will hand you, like trying to get up from the living room floor after cutting out coupons with your grandchildren.

Think of this as a follow up for Jeff Foxworthy’s, “You might be a Redneck if…”

Yesterday, while at the grocery store, a young man picking up a dozen eggs down the refrigerated dairy isle stopped momentarily to admire my normal attire.  We do our grocery shopping while on our way home from serving at the Temple so I was dressed in a white shirt, dress slacks with dark suspenders to match.

“Nice outfit, man”.  This wouldn’t have been noteworthy except the same thing happened a couple of months ago when we were at Arby’s getting a late lunch.  His remarks, “Nice outfit, Man; looks like something an old man would wear.”

We watched the movie, Somewhere in Time, where the young man traveled back in time by convincing his mind he was going to meet the love of his life, suggesting to his mind the details of that time trip.  He purchased a men’s suit tailored for the early nineteen hundreds with coins to put in the pockets and in every way sold the idea to his subconscious mind.  Maybe there’s a Senior Citizen’s Clothing Shop where old guys purchase dress slacks with matching suspenders, Somewhere Nearby.

While going through yesterday’s mail, there was a coupon…how should I put this, a coupon that could be applied toward cremation services.  I’m not making this up, I promise.  The invitation was to attend a free dinner while the services offered would be explained. 

I’m sure they’ve considered having soft food, something easily chewed and then they might have miniature cremation urns as salt and pepper shakers to advertise various styles available.  Just for fun they’d have little placards for assigned seating with your name in fancy lettering along with, “Do Not Resuscitate”, no reason to assume you’d want the Heimlich Maneuver applied in the event you started choking.

Apparently, Facebook advertisers haven’t been able to keep up with my recently acquired Senior Citizen status.  I’ve been receiving promptings to purchase a brand new 2024 Hyundai Sonata, a new Ford Escape or a new Toyota Tacoma.  If we’re going to use the discount cremation coupon, why would we be purchasing a new car?

Most vehicles are sending information electronically to Big Brother as to exact location and speed relative to some orbiting satellite, it figures they retrieve lots of other information as well.  Last Wednesday the oil light on the dashboard flickered and flashed momentarily, then went back off as we were driving to Madisonville.  Our 2017 Hyundai Sonata has over 175,000 miles on it so the folks going through the data supplied figured it was time to upgrade with a newer model. 

We immediately had our local mechanic check things out.  He wanted to know how our car lost nearly 4 quarts of oil without having a leak and didn’t appear to be burning any oil.  We’ll keep a sharp eye on the panic lights displayed on the dashboard, never quite sure if this was a fluke or the bearing of bad news.

I’m still curious about the coupon for a free meal while being entertained by the cremation company.  Do they have a discount rate for Senior Citizens?

We purchase gift cards all the time while shopping at Kroger, especially when they offer four times the gas points on Friday.  We picked up a gift card yesterday to use at Texas Roadhouse and those gas points added nicely to our card.  There’s a new Texas Roadhouse in Huntsville that should be open for business next month.

Will Kroger offer extra gas points for obtaining a gift card at the crematorium?  Would we want a discount package or the deluxe cremation service?  Better to plan ahead and have that cremation card handy than to head down I-45 without one.  

Can you envision the State Trooper going through my wallet after the really bad wreck. “Dispatch, notify Sam’s Crematorium to pick up one of their customers with a Deluxe Gift Card. Not sure who it is at this time, pretty badly mangled; but nice outfit.”

 

That Must Have Been Exciting

 

I went to plug my cellphone onto the charging cable a while ago and noticed some damage near the end of the cable where it’s supposed to attach to the base of the phone.  Upon studying the cable a little closer it became evident that the damage had been caused by one of the cats chewing into the cable.

So, that would explain why, two days ago, my nightstand had been moved over.  I’d found my cellphone on the floor next to the nightstand but thought I must have accidentally knocked it down during the night.  It would also explain why the other end of the charging cable,  the end that plugs into the outlet, why it had been pulled away from the outlet just enough to where it no longer made contact with the outlet.  At the time I pushed the charging unit back in and made sure the cable was connected properly, never considered that an event had occurred. 

I’m only guessing; but one of the cats must have tried to chew on the charging cable and got bit by electricity, enough to throw the phone to the floor, dislodge the charging cable from the phone and at the same time pull the cable away from the outlet.  While trying to escape, she pushed the nightstand a couple of inches away from where it normally rests. 

Which of our kitties lost one of its nine lives?  I’ll probably never know; but I bet she leaves my cellphone alone from now on.