Predictions for 2007

I couldn’t help but notice the flood of conjurers, wizards and soothsayer’s predictions forecasting doom, destruction and mayhem that will befall everyone in 2007. Wow, some of them are downright mystical; hold on while I put my other brown shoe on.

I predict that football enthusiasts will be glued to the television for hours on end consuming mass quantities of less than wholesome foods followed by serious gas attacks which will further erode the fragile environment.

I predict Spring will continue to follow Winter, that the Sun will come out tomorrow and that day will follow night as yet another crop of elected representatives will place their hands on the Bible; or in one case, the Koran, hold the other hand to the square and for one sparkling moment they will promise to obey the Constitution, serve those who elected them and make the world safe for democracy. Following that sparkling moment these self serving elitists will work in concert to destroy individual rights, the free market system, and the American way of life. No, I’m not a cynic, but that sure looks like the way things are done now; please, somebody prove me wrong.

I predict that Roger Clemens will retire from baseball someday and that he will be elected into the Hall of Fame. I’m going out on a limb on this one.

I predict that my freezer will have one entire shelf dedicated to half gallon selections of Blue Bell Ice Cream. Natural Vanilla Bean and Moo-lenium might be among the favorites. I further predict that regardless of how important having an entire shelf dedicated to Blue Bell Ice Cream might be to insure the well being of my family; Lucy will override with a line item veto, finding Birds Eye Broccoli, frozen pepperoni slices and other non-essential items invading that sacred shelf.

I predict that Ted Kennedy will never be permitted to take Hillary for a drive in any car, over any bridge at any time. On the other hand, Hillary might arrange for Bill to be in that situation; nothing like a grieving widow to pull in votes. Cindy Sheehan might be the driver and the two of them could accidentally drive off a huge cliff; yea, just like that movie Thelma and Louise.

I predict that the border crossing bridge will be replaced with a freeway overpass to facilitate guest workers ability to enter the United States. There will be an off ramp that leads directly to an amnesty court house built especially to accommodate registering all the new voter registration cards. Texas will change its name to Tejas and Spanish will be the predominant language, English becoming the one in parenthesis.

Okay, here are my predictions on the football scores: 21 – 14, 12 – 9, 54 - 3 and in the other game, 35 -34. Hand me the corn chips and Salsa; that was a tough one.