Tuesday, April 24, 2007

How to Murder a Socialist

I finished watching an old Jack Lemon movie a while ago, How to Murder Your Wife. In case you’ve never had the pleasure, it’s worth the effort. Near the end of the show there’s a court room scene in which Jack Lemon’s character decided to cut loose his attorney, an attorney who’d done everything except strap him into the electric chair through bungling inefficiency, and take over his own defense. ( link in title bar )

He puts his attorney; the brow beaten henpecked wimp of a middle aged man, in the witness chair and presents a bold option to him, one that would turn the law upside down. Drawing a small circle on the railing in front of the jury box with a piece of chalk, a jury box which consisted entirely of middle aged married men, Lemon explains that by pushing the imaginary button his wife and all the baggage that goes with it would vanish; nobody would know he did it and he would be free to do whatever he wanted.

The lawyer’s wife protested and promised to make his life a living hell; that is right up until the moment when he walked over to the jury box railing and pushed the button, exclaiming as his finger settled onto the white chalked circle, “Shut up you old bat!”, followed by, “Remove the woman, put her in the tank if necessary.” The judge immediately asked the jury for their finding, “Not Guilty!”

The scene closed with all the men in the courtroom celebrating their new found freedom from the bands of “slavery” associated with the now defunct establishment of marriage. The court room begins to clear as they exit carrying the acquitted victor on their shoulders leaving those women present sitting speechless and bewildered at the prospect of being relegated into obscurity at the whim of their masters.

I took a moment to contemplate what those women were experiencing, the fact that the law that had regulated life up until that moment no longer existed. I know, it’s only a movie; but that feeling couldn’t exist without some merit. I saved this in my file system under Government and History because I knew where this thought process was headed as soon as that feeling registered, that feeling that the laws that have regulated life here in these United States of America no longer can be counted upon.

I am one of those sitting in that now vacant courtroom, the jubilation of shouts and jeers from the hallway from a party out of control clamoring and celebrating the overthrow of foundational basics which have governed society but are now no longer relevant. I’m not sure what happened; one day things looked as they should and then the rug got pulled out from under.

I refer to so many things that I’m not sure where to begin; perhaps the idea that marriage is a sacred bond between a husband and a wife, at least it was a few days ago. Then there’s the idea that the money I earned is being taxed at better than 50% when you include user fees, sales taxes and income taxes; that money that is being redistributed to folks who are living it up on money I earned actually believe that they are “entitled” to a better standard of living and have elected socialist representatives to make it so. Then there’s the band of free market assassins who have hijacked the system and in its place have introduced governmental controls to, in their words, make it a safer place for the consumer. The legislature has given these monkeys control over business licensing, which is nothing more than turning citizens into serfs, servants of the manor, subjects who must beg permission to do that which at one time was within their individual dominion. Rights granted to individuals by God have been reviewed at the highest levels and been determined to be irrelevant, that the elite rulers, once our peers, are far more capable of determining what is best for the common man; but I’m rambling now.

Maybe I should get a piece of chalk and draw a circle, looking for a place here on my desk. I’ve found a spot here in front of my computer monitor that will do nicely except I don’t want the chalk to damage the beautiful wood so I cut out a circle from a scrap of paper. I want you to follow my lead, place an imaginary button there in front of you. Remember how good it felt when you read the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights; that feeling of being an American, how your chest would swell, head held high with a sense of pride in knowing that you lived in a country where every individual was empowered and responsible for his own success or failure. I want you to think about who it is that has robbed you of that, who it is that continues in their pursuit to strip you of any remaining vestige of that glorious heritage. I want you to push that button.

No one will know that it was you who pushed the button. Those who have perverted the American way of life will simply vanish as if they never had been. Your freedom will be restored and all that was fought for by our founding fathers will have been restored to its proper balance. Those who desire more will have to do more and those without will have the opportunity to improve based on desire, hard work and perseverance; just like anyone else, no entitlements based on supposed deficiencies caused by skin color, sexual orientation or religious involvement. Go ahead, Push the button!

In my movie, How to Murder a Socialist, at the end of the courtroom scene, the only ones sitting quietly in their chairs, a blank expression as if hit by a two by four, will be those who have been sponging off their neighbors for so long that they thought the free ride would last forever. Push the button!

No comments: