Saturday, September 04, 2010

Obama Calls for Moratorium on Trash Pick Up

A dangerous fire broke out at New York City’s sanitation pier lifting smoke and other contaminates into the city’s atmosphere. Three fire fighters were injured and the cause of the incident is under investigation.

“The Manhattan pier and trash-filled trailers began burning Saturday afternoon. The Fire Department of New York says firefighters were still working to control the blaze more than three hours later.”

“Fire officials are checking the stability of the pier after wooden parts of it went up in flames.”

This is day one of what is now being called “Big Apple’s Sanitation Situation”, the 23rd national crisis to hamper America’s economic recovery this year. Until the hazardous situation is resolved the Obama administration reportedly has expressed concerns that other sanitation areas across the eastern seaboard might spontaneously burst into flames; hence it is expected they will ask for a 6 month moratorium on all trash pick up from Delaware to Maine.

President Obama addressed the nation regarding this latest crisis standing behind two immense Teleprompters; the New York City Skyline as a backdrop. Obama’s speech writers were unavailable, reportedly on their 7th vacation this year so portions of President Obama’s BP Oil Spill address to the nation given in June were used. A majority of the public has stopped listening to much of anything Obama says so he figured nobody would notice.

“I assembled a team of our nation’s best scientists and engineers to tackle this challenge…yada yada yada…"


“First, the cleanup. From the very beginning of this crisis, the federal government has been in charge of the largest environmental cleanup effort in our nation’s history…yada yada…”


“As the clean up continues, we will offer whatever additional resources and assistance our coastal states may need. Now, a mobilization of this speed and magnitude will never be perfect, and new challenges will always arise. I saw and heard evidence of that during this trip. So if something isn’t working, we want to hear about it. If there are problems in the operation, we will fix them…yada yada yada…”

Representatives of the Environmental Protection Agency were on hand; but were reluctant to talk to reporters as they had not as yet been briefed on the nature of the contaminants which were released by the blaze. One thing was certain; the type of smoke being released likely was the result of New Yorker's penchant for plastic shopping bags rather than reusable fabric shopping containers offered by the Sierra Club and other environmentally friendly organizations.

Waste management companies responsible have been told they need to come up with ten billion dollars, paid under the table, to cover damages and complaints regarding mountains of trash which will eventually fill every street and alley in the Big Apple. Tourism is expected to take a major hit as will the porn industry which relies heavily on having back alleys available for their customers. The Obama administration reportedly is considering the appointment of a special czar to establish payments to those hurt most by this crisis; but was quick to point out that the pier in question was last inspected during the Bush administration.

“The cause of the fire hasn’t been determined. The Department of Sanitation hasn’t returned a telephone call seeking comment.”

This article has been cross posted to The Moral Liberal , a publication whose banner reads, “Defending The Judeo-Christian Ethic, Limited Government, & The American Constitution”.


MK said...

That's a good one TF. Cracked me up.

T. F. Stern said...

MK, Glad you enjoyed it. Not too many figured out it was sarcasm and thought it was just another news item. lol