An old friend of mine, Dan Starr, is retiring from the
Houston Police Department next month and I was invited to the party; can’t go
because of a schedule conflict and so I’ll do my best to recall a couple of
events we went through when he was a probationary officer.
One time we’d arrested a real winner of a young woman. She tried kicking out the windows of our
patrol car; can’t remember if she succeeded off hand. I think she did; but that’s not why I recall
the incident. Dan was standing off to
the side while the young woman was being ugly and the next thing you know she’d
spit all over him. He looked at me as if
I was supposed to give the nod to inflict serious bodily harm; but I explained
to him the rule; not the one which prevents officers from knocking suspects
silly; the other rule, don’t stand where you can get spit on so easily.
The other incident was more memorable and involved the
“Killer Dr. Pepper Machine”. I’ve
mentioned it in previous articles, mostly as a footnote without
going into much detail. There is even
mention of the Killer Dr. Pepper machine in a novel I wrote, Pecaw’s Gift, chapter 34.
Originally there was
a homicide investigation dispatched to another unit; if memory serves it was
Officer Shaw and his partner. I had
probationary officer, Dan Starr with me and as part of his training he needed
first hand experience working a homicide so I picked up the mike and
volunteered our unit to be primary.
Upon arrival, standard police talk, we observed one
“suspect” trying to lift the huge refrigerated soda machine off of “suspect #2”
who was bent into thirds and “appeared” to be DOA. I don’t think there’s a delicate way of
saying it, he was flat as a pancake and no way was he going to be listed as
anything other than DOA. The fire dept.
emergency crew and another couple of HPD officers helped us pick the Dr. Pepper
machine off the young man, all the while serious grown professionals were
dropping one liners, “Be a Pepper”, “Maybe he wanted an Orange Crush” and other
insensitive remarks.
We had to take the “suspect/witness” down to Juvenile
Division where he was to make his official statement; something along the
lines, “We were just minding our business, walking down the sidewalk and this soda
machine fell over on him”. Never mind
that our “suspect/witness” had been sitting on top of the Dr. Pepper machine
rocking it back and forth trying to dislodge the money box inside while his
partner in crime was bent down with his arm up inside the machine trying to get
the money box loose as well. That’s when
the “law”, meaning the law of gravity, took hold of one of the suspects and
pronounced him guilty on the spot.
While standing in the Juvenile Division, the young man put
his arm to the square as he swore to the truthfulness of his written statement.
I grabbed Dan Starr by the arm and had
him step back a few paces to avoid any lightning bolts that might come through
the ceiling tiles striking the little liar dead.
Officer Starr, here’s to a wonderful retirement and may you
have the righteous desires of your heart.
I wish I could attend the informal gathering to honor your service; but,
duty calls.
This article has been cross posted to
The Moral Liberal, a publication whose banner reads, “Defending The
Judeo-Christian Ethic, Limited Government, & The American Constitution”.