Sunday, December 10, 2023

Dealing With Dementia

My brother Daniel has an advanced stage of dementia which makes for some interesting challenges.  He and his wife live on our three-acre property in the RV we purchased ‘just in case things got interesting’ and our kids needed to evacuate Houston and have a place to escape to.

That scenario didn’t pan out as planned; but in a way, it worked out the way the Lord would have it.  My brother and his wife needed a place to live as they fled an increasingly violent stricken area of Uganda, Africa where they’d been serving as lay missionaries.  Apparently, Daniel had been injured during a fall and his early signs of dementia had accelerated as a result.

We offered them a safe haven and they accepted our hospitality, acknowledging that they’d be helping to offset some of our living expenses like utility bills. This has worked out well going on right at a year now.

Daniel has been keeping up physically, doing lots of exercises, jumping constantly on a small trampoline looking gizmo along with walking the property back and forth.  He’s supposed to stop when he reaches the end of our property and turn around; but this morning Lucy was in the kitchen and noticed as he reached the front gate, he appeared to have it in his mind to go further as he disappeared, going down the private road and out of sight.

I got into the pickup truck and drove off in the direction Daniel had gone.  It didn’t take long to catch up as he was only an eighth of a mile ahead, casually walking in his pajamas while wearing a nice woolen cap; our morning temperature being about fifty degrees.  With the windows rolled down I eased up along side and encouraged Daniel to hop in.

“Oh, Thank You”, he responded, “I’m looking for a friend who has a house over here.” I continued driving down the hard packed dirt road past the Finley’s property.

“Let’s check the mailbox”, figuring he might enjoy going a bit further. I drove the truck onto the county road and used our neighbor’s driveway entrance to get turned around to facilitate access to our mailbox.  Daniel appeared a bit agitated, not being familiar with the landscape he was now seeing.  “There’s our mailbox.  Let’s see what’s inside”.

“Oh, that’s a good idea.  We’re expecting a package today.”  Upon opening the drop-down lid, it was clear the mailbox was nearly full with letters and small packages. 

“This package has your name on it.  See, Daniel Stern”, handing it to my brother who again explained that they’d been expecting this delivery.  The rest of the mail was addressed to Lucy, mostly junk mail from folks looking for donations since Lucy’s a sucker for various charities.

“Oh, this is the one we’ve been waiting for.”  I drove back to our property and into our driveway. I could see Daniel’s wife, Lisa, in front of our house as she played with our dogs while talking to Lucy who was sitting on the porch.  It was plain to see they were glad I’d corralled Daniel and brought him back.

I stopped the truck to permit my brother a chance to get the door open and exit.  He handed the box to his wife Lisa and introduced himself, “Hi, I’m Daniel”, to which she replied, “I’m Lisa”.

“I found another American while on my walk”. Daniel was doing his best to explain his good fortune at having found a friend while he was on our private road. 

While this sounds a bit surreal, I have to wonder how all this must be jumbled up in my brother’s mind as he tries to make sense of this world he’s now living in.  We must be ever so gentle with Daniel as he faces battles we can’t even comprehend.

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