Officially a Senior Citizen

 

In case you were wondering if you qualify as an actual Senior Citizen, something most of us do when we stumble around the kitchen early in the morning; but in case you weren’t sure how to tell if you’ve become a senior citizen.  There are some subtle hints the world will hand you, like trying to get up from the living room floor after cutting out coupons with your grandchildren.

Think of this as a follow up for Jeff Foxworthy’s, “You might be a Redneck if…”

Yesterday, while at the grocery store, a young man picking up a dozen eggs down the refrigerated dairy isle stopped momentarily to admire my normal attire.  We do our grocery shopping while on our way home from serving at the Temple so I was dressed in a white shirt, dress slacks with dark suspenders to match.

“Nice outfit, man”.  This wouldn’t have been noteworthy except the same thing happened a couple of months ago when we were at Arby’s getting a late lunch.  His remarks, “Nice outfit, Man; looks like something an old man would wear.”

We watched the movie, Somewhere in Time, where the young man traveled back in time by convincing his mind he was going to meet the love of his life, suggesting to his mind the details of that time trip.  He purchased a men’s suit tailored for the early nineteen hundreds with coins to put in the pockets and in every way sold the idea to his subconscious mind.  Maybe there’s a Senior Citizen’s Clothing Shop where old guys purchase dress slacks with matching suspenders, Somewhere Nearby.

While going through yesterday’s mail, there was a coupon…how should I put this, a coupon that could be applied toward cremation services.  I’m not making this up, I promise.  The invitation was to attend a free dinner while the services offered would be explained. 

I’m sure they’ve considered having soft food, something easily chewed and then they might have miniature cremation urns as salt and pepper shakers to advertise various styles available.  Just for fun they’d have little placards for assigned seating with your name in fancy lettering along with, “Do Not Resuscitate”, no reason to assume you’d want the Heimlich Maneuver applied in the event you started choking.

Apparently, Facebook advertisers haven’t been able to keep up with my recently acquired Senior Citizen status.  I’ve been receiving promptings to purchase a brand new 2024 Hyundai Sonata, a new Ford Escape or a new Toyota Tacoma.  If we’re going to use the discount cremation coupon, why would we be purchasing a new car?

Most vehicles are sending information electronically to Big Brother as to exact location and speed relative to some orbiting satellite, it figures they retrieve lots of other information as well.  Last Wednesday the oil light on the dashboard flickered and flashed momentarily, then went back off as we were driving to Madisonville.  Our 2017 Hyundai Sonata has over 175,000 miles on it so the folks going through the data supplied figured it was time to upgrade with a newer model. 

We immediately had our local mechanic check things out.  He wanted to know how our car lost nearly 4 quarts of oil without having a leak and didn’t appear to be burning any oil.  We’ll keep a sharp eye on the panic lights displayed on the dashboard, never quite sure if this was a fluke or the bearing of bad news.

I’m still curious about the coupon for a free meal while being entertained by the cremation company.  Do they have a discount rate for Senior Citizens?

We purchase gift cards all the time while shopping at Kroger, especially when they offer four times the gas points on Friday.  We picked up a gift card yesterday to use at Texas Roadhouse and those gas points added nicely to our card.  There’s a new Texas Roadhouse in Huntsville that should be open for business next month.

Will Kroger offer extra gas points for obtaining a gift card at the crematorium?  Would we want a discount package or the deluxe cremation service?  Better to plan ahead and have that cremation card handy than to head down I-45 without one.  

Can you envision the State Trooper going through my wallet after the really bad wreck. “Dispatch, notify Sam’s Crematorium to pick up one of their customers with a Deluxe Gift Card. Not sure who it is at this time, pretty badly mangled; but nice outfit.”