Friday, September 09, 2005

Cell Phone Use in 6% of ALL Accidents

I caught a blurb of information that might be of interest; six percent of all traffic accidents are reportedly linked to the use of cellular telephone use. Those dirty rotten…; but hey, wait a second. That means that 94% of the traffic accidents were caused by folks who were not on a cellular telephone.

Hummmm….let me think about that for a moment. If we made it mandatory that all drivers started to use cellular phones then, if we used the logic of the liberal left; wouldn’t that eliminate 94% of the traffic accidents?

Seriously folks, sounds like a standup comedy set up line, I was behind several vehicles as I had to run an early service call yesterday. I suppose I should preface that by explaining that most of my work comes in after 9am and so, early for me may not be that early for most of you. I was in the morning rush hour crowd, those accustomed to parking lot conditions on the main roads.

The woman in the car directly in front of mine had it down to an art. As soon as her vehicle came to a complete, or mostly complete stop when the light turned red, she had her sun visor pulled down; not to keep the sun out of her eyes, to make use of the mirror and apply eye liner, eye lash thickener and make-up. I was tempted to tap my horn to see if she would plow into the car in front of her since she had her mind on something other than driving.

The woman in the car next to me was doing the crossword puzzle, the paper folded in such a way as to permit it to lean on the steering wheel and provided a way for her to write on it without the pen pushing on through. In marked succession they all managed to move forward when the light changed. The slightest movement of fenders alerted them that it was time to temporarily postpone the rituals of preparation and attend to driving, at least for the next minute and a half when it would all be repeated.

I have an idea; put some kind of scrolling bar into the window systems of the newer cars. The information could be generated automatically to the rear and side windows much like the ticker information for the Stock Exchange. “Please honk when light turns green”, or, “My insurance company? New York Life, why do you ask?”, and so on down the line. There could be a chorus line mixed in, “My Cell Phone number is 555-1212”.

There could be a similar scroll bar system used by Type A drivers; one that would spew all the magical promptings toward other drivers. “Hey, you turkey, the gas is the one on the right!”, “I’m sorry I honked, I had no idea it was your first day to drive”, “I know you’ve got a license; but, from which planet did you get it?”. Yes, I can see there’s a need for such a product. “Hey, try doing your check book at home!”, “Green means go here, same as back home!”

So, there you have it, six percent of all accidents are related to cell phone use while all the rest have some other lapse of thought involved. “Try looking up once in a while. I know that’s a good book, I read it too, jerk face!”

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