Signs of Getting Older

I’m always breaking unwritten rules of society, talking to strangers while in line at the grocery store and things like that. The other day I was picking up a check for work done at one of my regular car dealerships talking to the young lady in the office. I mentioned that if she ever wanted to get adopted into a family I knew just the one. Her eyes and the shape of her face reminded me of a fellow; old enough to be her father, who just happen to own a different car dealership up in Spring. We had a good laugh as I suggested that she could do a number on him by showing up and calling him Dad.

I happened by that other car dealership this afternoon and mentioned that he might have a daughter running around that he was unaware of; catching him off guard with such a off the wall comment. I explained where she worked and with the close knit family of the car business he knew who she was right off.

On a similar vein, I was shopping at a clothing store a few years back and noticed the young lady ringing up our purchases had a resemblance to a fellow at our church. “If you ever want to get adopted into a family I know just the one. You could easily fit in with the Murphy’s.”

“I am a Murphy!” She looked at me a little bewildered; turns out she was his oldest daughter home from college and working for the holidays. I’d never met her before so it made for an interesting introduction. Every now and again I get lucky.

Last week I was at Subway Sandwich shop for lunch as the young lady put my selection together; the roast beef followed by the Swiss Cheese on whole wheat. She then pointed to something and asked, “Do you want that toasted, Sir?”; but that’s not what my half deaf ears heard as I did a double take and started to laugh.

“Do I want a Soul Sister? What is this; a revisit to the 60’s?” I knew she had to have asked something else as I inquired; still laughing and noticing that the fellow down at the cash register couldn’t contain his laughter either.

The young lady pointed to the toaster oven and made it a point to speak clearly and enunciate each word, “ Do…you…want… your…sandwich…toasted…Sir?” Hearing aids can only do so much; makes for some interesting conversations that never happened.

Lucy and I were at Fry’s Electronics last Saturday and happened to see the movie, Grand Prix, on DVD. The movie came out in 1966 and instantly became one of my favorites. I had wanted to add it to my collection for quite some time; but for years had only been available in VHS format, so when I saw it on DVD on the way to the cash registers I couldn’t resist.

There should be some kind of warning affixed to the movie, “Caution, Do Not Operate Any Motor Vehicles Within Two Hours After Having Watched This Movie!” or some such advice. The 16 year old adolescent rises to the surface and automatically wants to emulate the adrenaline junkies shifting gears and hurling themselves into hairpin turns at breakneck speeds.

We put the movie on and thrilled to excessive noise as all the special effects exploded into our den; the advantage of having a large HD home entertainment center with surround sound stereo. Try as we might, we couldn’t stay awake through the end of the movie; nine o’clock and we were both up past our bedtime, geeze-a-louisa! No wonder my kids make fun of us getting old, hair thinning, can’t see without my Varilux lenses and I think I’ve already mentioned that I can’t hear; even with my hearing aids. The following day we made sure to watch it as a matinee; even taking advantage of the additional special extras included on the 2 disk set.

Last on my list of mind wanderings is a short story that will get this holiday season off properly. Thanks and a tip of the hat to Richard Sutton for sending this to me via email.

A man went to his dentist because he felt something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"