Bells and Whistles

Several years ago we had most of our kitchen remodeled; new flooring, new oven and some cabinets to replace the ones that caught on fire; I should back up and explain. Lucy and I were on our regular Saturday night date sitting down to enjoy a great meal when my cell phone went off. I looked at the caller ID and noticed it was my home phone calling; must be William, my son.

“Dad, do we have a second fire extinguisher?” Those kind of conversations make parenting a joy. Lucy and I hurried home to find that William had put out the fire caused by some wires behind the oven shorting out. William had sense enough to shut off the electricity at the junction box, empty the fire extinguisher and save the rest of the house. The area around the stove was a disaster and our insurance company sent a team of workers to do the repairs.

Lucy got to pick a new oven; the one that had been built into the fancy cabinets, the one with the loose wires had always been a mild source of aggravation. It was so small that her favorite turkey pan wouldn’t fit. We ended up at Lowe’s, Lucy carrying her turkey pan everywhere to qualify any purchase. Once those requirements had been met we picked out a matching microwave to go above; that had been damaged in the fire also.

That was some time back and I finally figured out some of the fancy features included with the oven and microwave. You’ve probably heard that the top of the line item will come with “all the bells and whistles”; well, that’s not too far off the mark.

I was turning off the light, the one that shines down from the microwave and casts a warm glow across a dark kitchen in the middle of the night when you don’t want to fry your eyes with a full blast from the regular light fixture. It had been left on well after the sun was up and I saw no reason to shorten the life of the bulb as I pressed the flat plastic pad covering the switch. A little “ding” went off as the amount of light emitted was cut in half. I pressed it again and it went off completely; another quiet “ding” alerted my ears that the light was off.

Why do I need a bell to go off, something to alert my ears that a light had been turned off? Isn’t that what my eyes are for? Maybe it’s one of the fancy models, made for blind people so they know the lights off too; but why would a blind person need the light on or off to begin with? Then I figured it out; it’s to alert the pets that a care giver is up and about, time to get fed. It’s a bit like the electric can opener sound that animals can hear half a block away.

I had no sooner turned off the light when I heard a steady chorus of “meows” pleading from the other side of the window. Lucy called out from the other room, “I’ve already fed them.”; it only took five years to figure that one out. I’ll work on timed bake some other decade.