Senate Votes that Mormonism is the National Religion

A controversial statement is rumored to have been added to the immigration amendment Thursday afternoon as the Senate quietly approved, by a narrow margin of 53 – 47, an historic measure making the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the national religion. Senator Hatch, author of the add on legislation, had originally used the words “official religion” and explained that “official” would have signaled an exclusionary tone, something which would have caused red flags all over the place.

Senator Hatch explained that citizens who planned to be permitted to vote in future elections would need to “lengthen their stride”, as he put it, and adhere to a more rigid policy. “I’m not saying that other religions are bad; only that American citizenship is sacred and without having a balance of temporal and spiritual character traits as have been provided in the Mormon experience the government would be left in the hands of heathens.”, stopping momentarily, “…as you can see, it has already achieved that status.”

After a spirited debate, the Senate voted to insert, what has been dubbed the “Joseph Smith” statement, that the federal government "shall preserve and enhance the role of Mormonism as the Christian religion of the United States."

Critics of the legislation have stated that this violates the constitutional separation of church and state, claiming they wish to continue their personal habits; to lie, cheat, steal, covet and so on down the list. “Being an American has come to mean freedom from responsibilities and I for one plan to continue that grand tradition”, Senator Kennedy reportedly proclaimed as he stumbled from a local bar. Another enraged critic, holding a brandy in one hand and a lighted cigar in the other had to be escorted out of the newly dedicated “Brigham Young Wing” of the White House where President Bush was hosting a group of missionaries for lunch.

President Bush refused to make any statement to the press regarding this startling new legislative measure; however, he clearly was wearing a new CTR ring on his finger and was also wearing a tie tack in the form of the Washington DC temple.