Friday, May 19, 2006

Senate Votes that Mormonism is the National Religion


A controversial statement is rumored to have been added to the immigration amendment Thursday afternoon as the Senate quietly approved, by a narrow margin of 53 – 47, an historic measure making the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the national religion. Senator Hatch, author of the add on legislation, had originally used the words “official religion” and explained that “official” would have signaled an exclusionary tone, something which would have caused red flags all over the place.

Senator Hatch explained that citizens who planned to be permitted to vote in future elections would need to “lengthen their stride”, as he put it, and adhere to a more rigid policy. “I’m not saying that other religions are bad; only that American citizenship is sacred and without having a balance of temporal and spiritual character traits as have been provided in the Mormon experience the government would be left in the hands of heathens.”, stopping momentarily, “…as you can see, it has already achieved that status.”

After a spirited debate, the Senate voted to insert, what has been dubbed the “Joseph Smith” statement, that the federal government "shall preserve and enhance the role of Mormonism as the Christian religion of the United States."

Critics of the legislation have stated that this violates the constitutional separation of church and state, claiming they wish to continue their personal habits; to lie, cheat, steal, covet and so on down the list. “Being an American has come to mean freedom from responsibilities and I for one plan to continue that grand tradition”, Senator Kennedy reportedly proclaimed as he stumbled from a local bar. Another enraged critic, holding a brandy in one hand and a lighted cigar in the other had to be escorted out of the newly dedicated “Brigham Young Wing” of the White House where President Bush was hosting a group of missionaries for lunch.

President Bush refused to make any statement to the press regarding this startling new legislative measure; however, he clearly was wearing a new CTR ring on his finger and was also wearing a tie tack in the form of the Washington DC temple.

6 comments:

Stephen Littau said...

Is this wishful thinking?

T. F. Stern said...

Stephen,

I thought it was just as signficant as the Senate's non binding vote on the English language. Thanks for stopping by.

It was fun to write, something that made it worth the time. I sent it off to various folks; my Bishop is nearly certain I should seek professional help now.

Stephen Littau said...

Yeah, that English language vote was a real joke wasn't it? How stupid do they think we are? I guess they thought by passing this symbolic legislation we would forget about the border issue. Its nothing more than smoke and mirrors! I don't know about you but I've about had it with our so-called leaders. I am prepared to either sit out the next congressional election or vote for a Libertarian canidate if one is available (imagine that, a Libertarian actually voting for a Libertarian, lol).

I really enjoyed your post. You have a real talent for snark.

T. F. Stern said...

Stephen,

A compliment of the highest order, glad you enjoyed it.

MarkT said...

Brilliant!

T. F. Stern said...

Mark,

Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the link on your site.